bradschronicles

These are recountings of Brad's life but my life as a child is playing a part in the tremendously large and complex puzzle that is now beginning to form. I was shy and afraid of the world as a child, I came from an abusive family life. I often wondered well into adulthood why my life was as it was. I was forced to fight for my existance, it created a inner strength in me that was not to reveal itself till Brad came into my life. My shyness was replaced with force and I developed a courage to stand up to anyone or anything that had the smell of injustice.

Now it is apparent that the life I lived as a child was my training ground for the part I was to be given to work for Brad and all the ill and dying of the world at the hands of the greedy.
That is my background and now you are going to be told true accounts from dairies I have kept since Brad gave his life so that others might live. As you read what Brad has shown me you might say to yourself, "Linda was raised in a religious atmosphere and that has effected what she has experienced." Nothing could be further from the truth. I could count on one hand the number of times I sat inside a church as a child. I did not receive any religious training at home. As I grew into adulthood I wanted to believe that we went on to another level of life but the scientific part of me simply could not allow me to accept what others believed. I was an atheist that wanted to believe but did not.

From the day I brought Brad home from the hospital I knew that Brad would leave this earth before me. We became inseparable. Brad would always want to be as close to me or his Dad as possible. Even as he grew older he would want to sit on my lap and I always wanted him there. We both had the inner stirrings that our time together was short and to be apart was taking precious time from us. As Brad grew older and could talk, we would be watching television, if we heard a story of someone with an illness, Brad would ask me if he was going to get the illness. I would reassure him that he was a healthy young boy and he had nothing to worry about. Even with this reassurance, Brad would ask me about this illness over a span of time that would lasts for days and sometimes weeks. Even though he was just a child he had the insite of what his destiny was going to be.

Life went on, Brad grew but never wanted to be far from me. When he began school he wanted me with him. I volunteered everyday in his school which gave him the closeness required as he knew he time on this earth would not be long. When Brad was four, David moved in to the neighborhood. They immediately become fast and true friends. There was hardly a day that went by that David was not at our house. As I read back through the writings that Brad did in school David was always mentioned as his best friend. Brad's love for cars and racing was born in him and and also occupied his writings and that was his salvation that kept his mind occupied as he fought for his life.

Brad, it is time for you and I to begin telling what you have taught me. You are the teacher and I am your student. Remember the week before you left us, you were standing in front of me and you looked down and said, "Ma, I think I'm in trouble." I could no longer bring you hope, it was time to be honest and I said, "Yes Brad, I think you are too." Nothing more was needed to be said. You laid down on the couch that had been your home for five years. You said nothing else, you were accepting in your mind what was ahead. No doubt you were running what I told you as you went from relapse to relapse and began thinking about what lay ahead. I had much guilt when you would question me about Heaven and what happened when we left this earth. I would put on my most convincing face and even though I felt I was lying to you I would say, "Brad, earth is only a proving ground, just a moment of time in eternity and Heaven is a perfect place where we all will be together again." This satisfied you and I am grateful that I, the non believer, was able to convince you that you would live on in a better place. As your condition worsened you looked at me and said, "Ma, you need some of my medicine." How right you were. It got me through watching you suffer leaving this earth in the most horrible way that a human could ever imagine. I'll always feel your hand the night you took mine in yours when we pulled our chairs up as close as possible. You held my hand for the longest of times and that was your good-bye to me. The next night as we pulled our chairs together and I reached over for your hand, you pulled away and I knew that you had completely accepted your fate and you were just waiting for the time to come. You didn't know it then but when the nurse came the next day, I walked out with her and in those five long years I never thought I would be saying to anyone, "If there is a God, let him take you and end this suffering." She said to me, "Call me at any time and I'll be there. She had not been gone fifteen minutes when you sat up and fell back in your chair. My brave son was gone and all the years of suffering were over. I called your nurse and she was back to help us. Thank God for people like her. She took care of calling the people that had to be called and I had to let go as I watched them take you out.
I'll never forget when you met Amanda. You said to me, "Ma, I've met a girl just like me!" How right you are, Brad. What a gift you brought home. Amanda was by your side the last year of your life. I see so much in her that is you. The comfort she has brought to me can never be measured and I hope I have been a comfort to her. It was all part of your plan, wasn't it Brad?
I can write no more at this time as the tears are flowing. All that I have told about Brad is branded in my brain and I will never let it go, as it keeps me going for you and all that are in your place right now.
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